Josey. Don't you worry. It's just a phase you're going through.

This is a blog post, but I'm writing it at work, on a rather long piece of till roll, in order to copy it up later.

I'm not going to talk about my birthday other than to announce the fact that I finally have my first DSLR, a Nikon D60.

Instead this post is about new beginnings, or my new beginnings, and about how turning 21 is hopefully going to be the start of a lot of things for me, as well as the end of many more.

So I suppose this post is about my birthday.

Sam and I have been watching a lot of One Tree Hill lately, and in it, I have found a role model. Someone who I feel proud to look up to and who I want to be like. And I am slightly embarrassed to admit it, as my 'role model' is actually a fictional character, who has a completely different life to me(Married at 16, pregnant at 17 and a mother at 18.) but she is also the best person I could hope to be.

Its Hayley James-Scott, by the way, for anyone who knows or watches One Tree Hill.

It want her grace, her ability to give almost anyone a second chance, an amazing girlfriend (or wife, as the case is.) and an even better friend. I find myself saying in my head 'do what Hayley would do' whenever I feel stressed, or anger starting to rise in me.

So she may be a fictional character, but surely a role model like that is a good thing whether she's real or not.

I have a short term plan for my life, and I actually feel good about it. I'm going to keep my head down at work and try and ignore the anger I feel from working there. During this time I also plan to look for another job, be the best girlfriend and friend I can be to the people that matter to me, but basically, I plan to stay to myself. My life is made worse by letting outside problems and things out of my control get to me as much as they do, because I keep letting them get to me.

Here's to a new start.

I'm 21 now. An adult wherever I try and hide, and I am also my own person. I need to stop trying to be anything else.